EPIC SAYS STOP OFFERING SOLUTIONS AND PREPARE FOR WORLD TO END

Tom Wheeler dictator of the Environmental Protection Information Center ("EPIC")  reminds us the World is going to end and it's too late to offer any solutions to reduce our carbon footprint. EPIC is opposing a windmill project (Terra-Gen) in Humboldt which would lessen our reliance on fossil fuels. Tom Wheeler explained, "look I get you want to save the world but it's toast and if you start offering solutions my job is toast. I need global warming like a pastor needs a congregation. Without global warming I'm irrelevant and jobless. We need to continue the fight and keep reminding the public there is no hope. We have already reached the point of no return. People should start gathering resources and hunkering down for the pending apocalypse." 

Worth noting, our staff's investigation discovered Tom Wheeler has 2 cats which will kill approximately 800% more birds in a year than a windmill.  

Disclaimer: Quotations not yet verified. The Acronym "EPIC" was stolen from Upton Sinclair